Live Till Morning
by Mc Parrot
Summary: Another take on what happened to Ianto after Countricide. Industrial strength angst. Does not fit with my "Home" series of stories


Live Till Morning

Another post Countricide fic. Obviously this does not fit in with my Home series post Countricide stories. It is completely different, but if I hadn't stopped this where I did, it would have started to get very similar because once the hurting is over, the comforting becomes pretty much standard.

I wrote this because something bad happened to someone I care about and I just felt the need for industrial strength angst at the time. Which is what you got. It gave me an excuse to feel teary.

Usual Disclaimer, my story, other people's characters. I'll put them back.

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Ianto sat on the tailgate of the SUV and felt his carefully held façade begin to crack. He was all right. Of course he was all right. He'd nearly been eaten but he'd been rescued, they'd been rescued, so of course he was all right. Except that he hurt everywhere and his stomach didn't believe it and his guts really didn't believe it. He clamped his buttocks, trying not to let the familiar sensation remind him of the horrible times at school when being upset had ended badly.

His fuzzy brain sought around for something to focus on. He had to inventory the SUV, check everything was here that ought to be here. Who knew what had disappeared between when they'd left the vehicle at the campsite and when the cops had brought it back to here? He'd grab his coat, he was cold. He stood up then sat down again. The world swung around wildly and he held tightly onto the tailgate. One of his hands hurt and he lifted it and stared at it. It was swollen and purple. His coat wasn't here. It was at the campsite under a collapsed tent. Damn. He was shocky, he knew that. He could feel the shaking in all of his muscles, tremors running through him. He needed to keep warm. He hurt all over and he'd nearly been killed and eaten. He couldn't think quite straight but he thought he remembered that he ought to keep warm. He didn't like the cold. Lisa had felt cold.

There was an ambulance over there. They'd have a blanket. He sat and stared at the comings and goings over by the ambulance. It was hard to focus. They were busy. Jack had shot lots of people. They were bad people but they had bullet wounds. The ambulance staff had to treat them. Lots of people with bullet wounds. He didn't want to bother them because he was all right, he was just cold. Surely they would let him have a blanket, just till they were ready to leave.

Levering himself carefully up he was dismayed to find that the world was swaying. Maybe that was him. Carefully aiming for the ambulance he forced himself to focus on what was happening around him, force his thoughts out and away from his own misery. Jack and Gwen were coming out of the pub. Owen was making his way towards them. Behind them a police officer led out the cannibal. The man looked up. He looked straight at him and leered. Ianto swallowed hard, holding down the scream that threatened to burst out of him. He must have made some sound because the whole group looked up at him and an ambulance officer grabbed him by the arm.

Oh God, Tosh, where was Tosh? He could see all the others but not Tosh. She'd got away but they brought her back. Oh, he spotted her. Over there. He took a deep breath trying to control his panic. She was all right. She was sitting in the police car talking to an officer, probably making a statement. Ianto flashed to an image of Tosh, terrified and defiant as that monster caressed her chest with a baseball bat.

His guts clenched again and with a gasp he realised that he had to find a toilet – right now.

Shaking the officer off he was running, arms clasped across his belly and doubled up with cramp before he'd even thought about where he was going. He couldn't go back into that hall, he couldn't. He had to try one of the other buildings. Christ. He had to pause, fight for control, trying to pull his internal muscles tight as he tried to think. The pub… He shot in the door, Gwen and Jack had been questioning the man, the cannibal, in here. Fuck don't think… No one here now. Fumbling with his fly Ianto found the loo, got his butt on the seat only just in time to save his jeans. His belly griped and the results were disgusting. The smell did him in. He couldn't hold his stomach either. His whole body heaved, turned inside out. Vomit spattered his boots as he had no choice but to be sick on the floor.

Sobbing in pain and disgust, a maelstrom of awful images raced through him, dismembered body parts in fridges, cybermen and conversion units and blood and gore and Lisa's body and himself lying in his own filth in that fetid basement room at the Hub. It took him a long time to pull himself together. He hurt so badly in so many places and the spasms accentuated the pain. He didn't think he was strong enough to get over this.

Right now, he just wanted his mum and wasn't that ridiculous since he hadn't seen her since his dad had thrown him out when he finished school.

Thank god he hadn't lost his bowels when he was tied up. He had no idea why not. Other victims had, the smell in there made that obvious. The smell in that room with all the body parts had been appalling. He shouldn't have thought of that. Still sitting on the loo he vomited again.

He didn't know how long he sat there, eyes shut and leaning weakly against the grimy wall. Tears were cold on his bruised cheek. It was dark in the cubicle. Quiet. Quiet was good. He tried to shut the world out, not think, not feel.

It was cold.

Eventually Ianto realised he was desperately cold. Hands shaking he cleaned himself off as best he could. He had to get back. He needed to inventory the SUV before they could go home. He didn't want to have to come back here to find some piece of tech that had been left behind. Thankfully no one would be expecting him to smell fresh. The others all stunk of the charnel house anyway. He didn't think that stink would ever wash off.

The water was on even if the power wasn't. Stumbling out to the basin he washed his hands and rinsed his face in freezing water, wincing as he inadvertently touched his painful cheek bone. Moments later he jarred the lump on his forehead. He grimaced. Some hero he'd turned out to be. He'd tried, you had to give him that, he hoped someone would give him that, but sod all good he'd managed to be. He rinsed his mouth and managed to swallow a trickle of water. It helped a little. He avoided looking in the dirty mirror. He wouldn't have been able to see much anyway. It was really dark in the bathroom.

That wasn't right. The window was small, there wasn't much light but surely there should have been more. Feeling a little panicky Ianto passed his hand in front of his face. He could barely see it. He tried not to hyperventilate as fear rocked through him. There something wrong with his eyesight. He tried again. He couldn't see any better. He was concussed, he knew that. He had a head injury but he'd thought it was only mild. But he couldn't see. The world had gone dark. There had to be pressure on his optic nerve. Christ, would it get better? What if he went blind? Was he having a brain bleed?

Terrified and disorientated he leant heavily on the walls as he made his way back out into the main room of the pub. It was dark in here too. The whole world was dark. He was going blind. He was shivering now and his legs would barely hold him up. He needed to find the others. He needed Owen. Actually any doctor would do. He wanted to go home. He fumbled into a fallen chair he hadn't seen then staggered across the expanse of the pub floor, crashing into the wall by the door. He struggled to get the door open, pushing instead of pulling but eventually falling out. He stopped and stared around in total confusion. Confusion turned to terror. It was dark outside, really dark.

He could see stars.

In the sky.

There was nothing wrong with his eyes. It was night time.

There was no one here. A cry tore from him and his legs gave out. All the people had gone.

Twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwt

Jack's eyes were fixated on the ambulance in front of him. It wasn't driving fast enough for him. After the thirty six hours he'd just had he felt the need to drive with his foot to the floor. Instead he was stuck behind the ambulance and would be for the next hour at least. Not that he begrudged Gwen a comfortable ride to hospital, of course he didn't, he just needed action and sitting driving like this was NOT what he needed.

The lights were on in the ambulance and he could see Owen sitting on the bench, leaning forward talking to Gwen and holding her hand. He'd sat like that the whole way so far.

The miles slowly passed.

They got closed to civilisation

Jack's vision started to blur, his mind to wander. It had been thirty six hours since any of them had slept. He'd barely slept in weeks. He glanced over at the passenger seat. Tosh was out to it, her head cushioned on a rolled up towel, a sleeping bag opened out and pulled around her. She didn't seem to be dreaming.

Jack replayed the whole horrible trip again, trying to work out how he could have done things differently. The major problem was in taking the whole incident too lightly. For god sake what was wrong with him? People had been going missing. Where did he ever get the idea that investigating missing people might make a pleasant trip out of town? Jack couldn't believe how stupid he'd been and it had nearly cost him his team. They'd nearly ended up dead. All of them.

Jack huffed and blinked. His adrenaline was long gone. Now he just felt sick. And very tired. A tension headache was racking up behind his eyes and it was all he could do to focus on the ambulance in front of them and on the road between them. Maybe he should stop, have ten minutes shut eye. It might be better than another catastrophic accident. He yawned and kept going. It was going to be dark soon. Tosh deserved to sleep in her own bed. He wanted everyone home, or at least settled in a bed somewhere before bedtime.

The road continued on.

It got darker. He put the headlights on.

The white line blurred. The tail lights of the ambulance left a glowing trail. Jack's eyelids drooped. He forced them open.

He cracked the window, the cool air clearing his head a little.

His eyes slid closed. His head dropped.

He jerked up with a gasp, wrenching the vehicle back onto the road. 'Jack!' Tosh screamed.

"Fuck." They swerved but heart hammering he brought it back under control.

'Shit. Sorry.' Breathing hard Jack pulled over and stopped the car. His hands were shaking. 'Fuck. Shit.' He buried his face in his hands. He'd nearly killed another one of his people. Again. 'God Tosh…' To Jack's utter surprise he burst into tears.

Jack allowed himself a minute, just a minute to give in to it. He'd been so frightened. He was so lonely. He was so tired. He shouldn't be a leader, he couldn't do this. Head in his hands, breath hitching he felt Tosh moving beside him, then her arms came around him. 'I'm sorry,' he moaned. 'I'm really sorry.' He didn't deserve her compassion he really didn't.

'What for?'

'What?' He looked up.

Tosh pulled him closer. 'It's all right Jack. You don't have to be strong all the time.'

'I nearly got you killed.'

'It's all right.'

'Right now! Just now! I was trying to ensure you got home safely and I nearly got you killed. That's not all right.'

'No, that was probably a bit silly.'

Jack snorted at the word silly. He scrubbed his eyes and sat up. 'Seriously Tosh. I nearly got you all killed. Ianto got beaten to a pulp, Gwen got shot, you all nearly got eaten and right now I could have killed you because I'm too stupid to pull off the road when I'm feeling tired.'

'You're not sleeping much at the moment are you?'

Where did that come from? He shook his head even as his mouth said, 'I'm all right.'

'The cyberman thing and the faeries. They really upset you.'

You don't know the half of it, Jack wanted to say. And none of them ever would even though Gwen had done pretty good at guessing why Estelle's death had upset him so badly. But not even Ianto was ever going to know how close Jack had been to falling in love with him and how devastated he'd been when he learnt he'd been lead around by his dick. He was a con man who had been conned. He'd been played for a complete romantic fool. It wasn't the betrayal, it wasn't the con, it was the way he'd actually allowed himself to think there might be someone in this world he could share his heart with and it had all been a scam. It really really hurt.

He shook his head, tried to get his equilibrium back. He wasn't going to do this. He didn't do this. He was the captain, the leader. He couldn't break down, especially in front of one of his team. He had to pull himself together, get everyone home, then once he was alone…

'And now you've got more bad memories.'

'Dammit Tosh, stop being so sympathetic. Don't you see, I wasn't on top of my game and look what happened.'

'What happened in the village? That wasn't your fault.'

'Yes it was. What the hell was I thinking? It was never a Torchwood problem. I should never have taken us in there.' Tosh started to say something but he shut her down. 'No Tosh. I shouldn't. And I should never have sent you off with Ianto. He doesn't have any experience. I should have kept him with me.'

'Ianto was brilliant. He didn't panic. We were in that cellar and he was trying to work out stress points in the door.' Jack could see Tosh smile in the light from the dashboard. 'He threw himself at that man to give me a chance to get away. I'd work with him in the field anytime.'

Jack sniffed and Tosh sat back and handed him the tissue box from the glove box. He blew his nose and straightened himself out. 'Thanks.'

'It's okay. What say I drive for a bit though?'

Jack gave her a genuine smile. 'That's probably a good idea.' He climbed out and moved around the front of the car meeting Tosh in the middle. He gave her a hug burying his face in her hair for a moment, feeling the strength in her small frame. He wrinkled his nose. Tosh usually smelt of something nearly motherly, baby powder or vanilla (and not of exotic oriental spices like he might have thought) tonight she smelt of fear and something awfully similar to weevil. He ignored it. 'Thank you,' he said again before letting her go and climbing in the passenger seat. To tell the truth, it was actually a relief not to have to think, or to drive. He pushed the seat right back and pulled up the sleeping bag. He might as well make the most of the interlude.

Tosh pulled her seat right forward.

'How long do you think it will take you to catch up with the ambulance again?' he asked as Tosh started the vehicle.

'I bet I'm with it in two,' she said. 'I am a good driver actually.'

'I know.'

'Jack, all the ambulances are going back to Cardiff aren't they?'

'Yeah. There's nowhere else closer to handle serious cases. The police were taking the walking wounded back to a police station somewhere, putting them in cells and getting a doctor to see to them there.'

'I was just thinking about the ambulance Ianto was in. I heard you tell the driver of Gwen's one where to go. You did say the same to the other one didn't you?'

Jack was frowning as he tried to remember. 'No I didn't,' he said in the end. 'I didn't see Ianto before they left.' Because actually it was all he could do to look at Ianto these days. He understood why he'd tried to save the cyberwoman but it still hurt. He was however very grateful that he'd lied about who he'd last kissed. 'I don't even know when they went. Damn, I should have seen him shouldn't I?'

'But they will take him to Cardiff?'

'I suppose so.'

'Jack.'

Jack scrambled his phone from his pocket. 'I'll ring Owen. He can get his driver to check.'

Twtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto huddled on the ground shivering and trying to think. It didn't make sense. It just didn't make sense. They wouldn't have left him behind. They just wouldn't. He did his best to ignore the tiny maggot in the back of his brain that said, they don't like you much, maybe they would. He was missing time, he had been in the bathroom a long time, but surely not all day. He had to be missing time. Maybe the rift really did come out this far, had infected these people somehow which made the dreadful things they'd done seem slightly better, and now he was experiencing some sort of time shift. There was crime scene tape around the buildings so he hadn't gone too far forward. Thank god he'd gone forward and not back before the cannibals had been stopped.

Oh god, what if some of them were still out there?

His stomach lurched and he heaved again. There was nothing in his stomach anymore but it still really hurt. His ribs and his back were in agony. As he started to get his breath back he searched the darkness but everything seemed still. There didn't seem to be anyone out there. But he couldn't tell.

He caught hold of another thought. Maybe he hadn't been forgotten, what if Jack had left him behind deliberately? What if this had simply provided a way for Jack to get rid of him permanently? He pulled his arms tight around him. Jack knew he was hurt, so leave him here to die quietly on his own, no blood on Jack's hands. Blame it on the cannibals. After all Jack had given Ianto a chance to prove himself and he'd gotten Tosh captured and nearly killed. That would be the last straw for Jack.

Ianto sobbed, icy tears were running down his cheeks as he realised how his cock up must seem to Jack. He'd thought they'd been getting somewhere, getting past what he'd done, but getting Tosh captured couldn't have gone down well. Jack hadn't even spoken to him. He'd come in guns blazing to rescue his team but Ianto was pretty sure it wasn't him he was coming for.

'Fuck you Jack Harkness,' Ianto whispered to the night. 'Fuck you. I'm not going to die.' He hoped. Not tonight.

Dammit, he'd tried so hard. He didn't deserve this. He'd tried to let Tosh get away, he'd tried to make things up to the team, he'd been trying to save Lisa, didn't they get that? He hadn't been trying to kill the world. He pulled his hoody up over his head. He should have done that hours ago. It was too late to help him feel warmer now. He had to get back inside and find some blankets or something to get warm. The police would be back in the morning with all their forensic gear. He just had to last till morning.

Only a few weeks ago he had desperately wanted to die and Jack hadn't let him. Why try to kill him now? He thought about it, actually it had been Owen who hadn't let him kill himself. He'd thought Jack had ordered Owen to watch out for him but maybe he hadn't. Maybe Jack really had wanted his suicide attempts to be successful, it was Owen who had saved him. He sure as hell wasn't giving him the satisfaction of dying on him now. Not if he could help it. Only, - he tried to get up and his leg folded under him, 'FUCK!' He fell, jarring everything else that hurt -he wasn't sure that he'd be able to do anything about it. He'd nearly stopped crying before but now great sobs tore out of him. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe and the concussion wouldn't let him think. Dying didn't actually seem so bad.

No!!! No. Don't let that fucker win. Get warm, he told himself. Get yourself warm. He managed to get back onto his hands and knees. No way could he get to his feet. He started to crawl. He could barely move.

Live till morning.

People will come then. Unless there's been a time slip and the investigations are over and no one is coming back ever.

Twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Jack answered his phone on the first ring. 'Owen?'

'Jack, you're not going to like this.' Owen's voice sounded pained.

Jack felt a feeling of dread. 'What?' He put the phone on speaker so Tosh could hear it too.

'They don't have any record of Ianto Jones. No ambulance is carrying him and there is no record of any officer treating him. It doesn't make sense. I'm sure I saw him being taken to an ambulance.'

'Shit.'

'Has he been kidnapped?' Tosh asked.

'Let's not jump that far. Owen, were there any other medics, I don't know, were there military ambulances or something, someone that might have taken him somewhere else?'

'They say no Jack. Just the usual people. Alvin here says that if there are no records of him he wasn't seen.'

'But I saw him with a medic.'

'Hang on,' said Tosh, 'did anyone actually see him in an ambulance? I remember him by the SUV but I don't think I saw him anywhere after about 11 am.'

'I saw him with a medic,' Jack said thinking hard, 'when Gwen and I came outside after talking to the prisoner. He was by the ambulances. It looked like he was going to get inside.'

'I saw him then too,' Owen agreed. 'He looked like death warmed over. Gwen says she noticed him then as well. Neither of us remembers him after that.'

'So no one has seen him since eleven o'clock this morning?' He was thinking hard and he didn't remember seeing Ianto again after that either. He'd just assumed he was getting treatment. 'Owen how badly hurt was he?'

'I don't really know,' Owen admitted. 'I think he was pretty beaten up.'

'He was,' Tosh confirmed. She shuddered. 'They had this bloody baseball bat and they tenderised him.'

'Tenderised?'

Tosh nodded, her face pale. 'That's what that bastard said. Said it made the meat taste better.'

'Oh my God,' Jack breathed.

'Shit.' That was news to Owen too.

'Yeah, plus he head butted that guy so I could get away. I saw them clubbing him with a rifle butt as I left.'

'Shit shit.' Owen was swearing. 'I had no idea. I was worried about Gwen. I thought Teaboy just had a few bruises from being tied up. I was going to go back and look at him but when I couldn't see him… Shit Jack, I'm really sorry. Where ever he is he's probably in trouble.'

'So where is he?' Jack could feel panic rising in him.

Tosh looked at him anxiously, obviously hearing the tone of his voice. 'Guys,' she said tentatively. 'I think he's still back there somewhere. I think we left him behind.'

'What? How could that happen?' Owen's voice was shrill.

'You said it yourself Owen. We never looked for him.'

'Okay,' Jack sat up and took charge. 'Owen grab as much kit from that vehicle as those guys will let you have then get out and wait for us. We'll be right with you. We're going back to get him.'

Tosh put her foot down and sped up. The ambulance was parked by the side of the road a mile ahead. There was a huge pile of blankets and IV equipment on the floor. As soon as they drew up Owen was throwing it in the back of the SUV. 'No,' he was shouting at Gwen, 'No you fucking can't come. You're high as a kite on morphine so lie back down on that bed and think of England.'

Gwen gave him her middle finger.

The driver came around and helped load up. He seemed very apologetic. No seriously injured patient had ever been mislaid before that he knew of. Owen followed a pile of dressings and bandages into the back of the SUV and Tosh took off in a U turn before he'd even shut the door. 'Good luck,' the driver shouted.

Owen wrenched the door shut and pulled himself upright. 'Hey Tosh. How come you're driving?'

'Cause Captain Courageous here nearly fell asleep at the wheel before.'

'Oh.' Owen narrowed his eyes at Jack who stared blandly back. He decided not to follow that thought. 'So are we sure he's there?' he asked instead.

'Not a hundred percent, no,' Jack said. 'But wherever he is we have to start back there if we're going to find him.'

'Shit how did this happen? I mean, I know he's the master of not being noticed but not today. Not after that.'

'I know,' Tosh said, her voice small. 'I can't believe it. He gave himself to save me, to let me try and escape and he knew they were going to hurt him if he did it. I should have stayed with him, made sure he was all right. Fuck Owen,' she glared over her shoulder at him, 'you're our medic. Why didn't you treat him?'

'I was looking after Gwen.'

'All day?'

'Children,' Jack said rubbing his temples and trying to will the headache away. So much for a quiet trip home. 'Tosh how long is it going to take us to get back there?'

'At least forty five minutes, I'm going as fast as I can.' The speedometer read 160 kph. The vehicle gave a surprisingly smooth ride at that speed on these roads.

'That's too long,' Owen muttered. 'The temperature's dropped since dark. It's freezing.' There was silence for a moment. 'The police,' Owen suddenly barked grabbing for his phone. 'They'll have someone guarding the place for the night. They can get someone in there and looking for him straight away.'

Twtwtwtw

Ianto could see lights through his closed eyelids. The lights danced and swung around him. He heard voices and clamped his eyes shut. They'd got him. The bloody cannibals had got him. He screamed as hands touched him and he had no energy left to fight. That didn't stop him from trying.

Twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

'They've got him,' Owen announced. 'He was on the doorstop of the pub. It sounds like he's in a bad way. They've called for an ambulance but there aren't any more locally.' He rolled his eyes as he relayed what the police officer was telling him. 'Apparently, due to some special ops group running amuck with a shotgun and shooting suspects they're all either just arriving in Cardiff or only just turning around and heading back. It's going to be two hours before one can get back.'

'When you say bad way?' Jack asked with trepidation.

'Hypothermic, confused, semiconscious and apparently terrified.' He turned back to the phone, all business. 'Okay, just keep him warm and as still and calm as possible. We'll be there in…'

'Twenty minutes,' Tosh told him.

'Twenty minutes.' He hung up. 'Floor it Tosh. Just go.'

Twtwtw

They piled out of the vehicle rapidly joining the two young police officers who were huddled around a still body wrapped in foil survival blankets. 'This your boy?' one of them asked.

'Yep,' Owen answered, already feeling for a pulse. 'He was fighting you did you say? When you found him?'

'He was to start with yeah, then he just went still.'

'Okay. Ianto! Ianto!' Owen slapped his face lightly. 'Wake up and talk to me.' He gave orders over his shoulder. 'I need light. Jack, snap out of it. Get me some light I need to see what we're dealing with.'

'Is he…' Tosh couldn't finish the sentence.

'He's got a pulse yes, let's keep it that way, now move.'

Jack jumped back into the vehicle and shifted it so that the headlights were full on the huddle on the ground. The sick feeling in his gut was not improved by the stark light glaring off Ianto's white face or the anxious look on Owen's. He stayed back, letting the string of swear word from Owen at work wash past him.

'Okay Jack,' Owen suddenly turned to him. 'I need you stripped down and in the back seat now.' Jack's eyebrows raised but for the first time ever, no-one, himself included, made any comment on the innuendo implicit in a sentence like that. He simply started stripping off, trying not to shiver as the cold air hit him. They all had some degrees of first aid training and what Owen wanted was obvious. Jack was a warm body and at the moment, that was the only thing they had to try and combat hypothermia.

Owen and the others were carefully removing Ianto's clothing and Jack climbed into the backseat, naked except for his underwear. He shoved his clothes onto the floor, grabbing his coat then received Ianto's freezing body against his own. He gasped and shuddered. It was like hugging an ice block. Pulling him into his arms he pulled his coat, still warm from his body over them, tucking it around the injured man as best as he could. Ianto's head lolled against his shoulder. He felt like a corpse.

Pushing the front passenger seat as far forward as it would go Owen crawled into the back seat space. Tosh shut the doors and climbing into the driver's seat again turned the heater on full. Owen gave Ianto a cursory examination now he had a bit more light and it wasn't too cold to have Ianto stripped off. He was a horrifying sight, cuts, bruises and swelling evident on nearly all of his body. Owen quickly ran over him from top of his head to his toes cursing roundly as he did so. They all swore when pulling down Ianto's boxers revealed his genitals were also split open in places and purple with bruising.

Jack shuddered. Somehow injuries there were so much more shocking than the wounds on his face and torso. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered into the non responsive ear next to his mouth and held him tighter.

'Okay,' Owen said, sounding a little panicked. 'Concussion, possible skull fracture, cracked or broken ribs, likewise left humerous, radius and ulna, possible internal injuries and no possible about it. If he hasn't then I'm really surprised. Massive soft tissue injuries and they've pulverised his goolies.' He finally looked up at the others. 'Plus of course severe bruising, emotional trauma, oh and he's freezing to death.' He sighed. 'Wind down the window Tosh.'

After a quick worried discussion with the cops it was decided they'd head out and meet the ambulance on the road. They were there another five minutes as Owen tried and failed to get an IV into their patient. He gave up. Ianto was just too shut down to get a line into a vein. They tucked the sleeping bag around him as well and Owen climbed out and into the front seat. They were off, a police escort racing ahead of them.

Tosh had manoeuvred them out onto the main road before anyone spoke. 'Is he going to be all right?' Jack asked quietly.

Owen turned to look over the back of the seat. 'I don't know,' he said. 'How did this happen Jack?'

Jack just shook his head. 'I don't know,' he whispered.

They flew back down the road towards Cardiff at insane speeds. Jack concentrated on keeping the two of them on the seat, Ianto's limp body kept as still as possible. He didn't feel like he was getting any warmer. 'Just as well this car's got long range tanks,' Tosh said at one stage, just to make some noise Jack thought. No one answered her but Jack had a small smile. Ianto was the only one of this current team who had actually noticed that the SUV never needed filling up. Ianto was special. Almost desperately Jack felt for the cold hands which were across Ianto's chest and tried to chafe them between his own. 'Come on Ianto,' he whispered to him. 'Come on Ianto. Wake up. We've got some talking to do. I've been mad at you. I know that. I'm sorry. I understand. I understand what you did. I do. Just wake up Ianto. Wake up please.' It didn't do any good.

Long before they met the ambulance Jack felt carsick. He was in a bad position, his head too low, awkward and sideways. Ianto was a dead weight against him. The pounding in his temples was killing him. He held on. It was the least he could do.

Twtwtwtwtw

Four Days later:

Jack sat in the SUV, parked in the hospital car park, growling in frustration. He'd come in to pick up Ianto and take him home only to find that as soon as the doctors had signed his release papers Ianto had called a taxi and gone on his own. He couldn't make his feelings for his team clearer if he tried.

Ianto had warmed up and woken up within hours of arriving in hospital. He'd been xrayed, scanned and observed and pronounced extremely fortunate. As Owen had surmised he was concussed, had internal and external bruising and was in a lot of pain. Surprisingly the only fractures turned out to be to his cheek bone and a small bone in his hand. Physically there was nothing that wouldn't heal with time.

The real damage came when he discovered his colleagues had left him behind.

Sadly Jack headed back to the Hub. So Ianto didn't want to see or talk to any of them. Well it was understandable really. It also made it really really hard to try to make it up to him.

'Right,' he announced to anyone who was listening as the cog door alarm shut up, 'we need to decide what we're going to do about Ianto. Conference room now.' It was only as he finished speaking that he realised that there was no one there. 'Bollocks.'

By the time the team were back, wet and muddy and cross, it was obviously far too late at night for sensible solutions to anything. He sent them home. He tried ringing Ianto but the phone rang before going to voice mail. He was either ignoring it or possibly, hopefully he was sleeping.

twtwtwtw

'Hey Jack,' Owen greeted him the next morning. 'Where have you got Ianto stashed? I need to go check on him.'

'I haven't stashed him anywhere. He's at home.'

Owen looked at him with absolute horror.

'What?'

Owen's voice went completely cold. 'You really do hate him don't you? I thought you'd started to come to terms with why he did it, but that was all for show. Shit Harkness. How could you?'

'What?' Jack staggered back, surprised by the medic's vehemence. He looked around. 'Did I just slide into a parallel universe?' He glared at Owen. 'What the hell are you talking about?'

'You let him go home.'

'No **I **didn't. He took himself off there all on his own. He'd already left the hospital when I got there. I figured if that's what he wanted, who was I to stop him?'

'Okay. So Ianto took himself home and you didn't go and find him?'

'No. Why should I? The hospital wouldn't have let him go if they thought he couldn't cope on his own.'

'Jesus Jack!' Owen smashed his fist into his own forehead. 'A, I bet they had no idea he has no-one to look after him and he wouldn't have told them. And B, I can't believe you'd let him go home to that shit hole if you cared about him at all.'

Jack just gaped at him, still unsure as to what exactly he'd done wrong.

'For fuck sake Jack, you moron. Don't you know where Ianto lives?'

Jack shook his head. Actually he didn't. He knew he should. He should have followed up on lots of things to do with Ianto after the cyberwoman episode but he'd been so hurt, so paralysed by his emotions that he'd happily left it up to the rest of the team to do that. Tosh and Gwen had dug into Ianto's background, all three of them had worked on the clean up and he suspected all three of them had been involved in making sure Ianto hadn't hit the self destruct button and topped himself.

Jack had distanced himself from the whole scene. Now it was becoming obvious that the ostrich method of handling staff wasn't working. Though why he ever thought it would.., it hadn't worked with Suzie either. Obviously it was time to change. 'Where does Ianto live?' he asked anxiously.

Owen told him an address. The street name was vaguely familiar. Owen stood there staring at him while he tried to make the connection. 'It's an industrial estate,' Owen said helpfully. 'An old one.'

Jack shook his head. 'So?'

'He lives, and I use the term loosely, he doesn't really live there, his **address** is a fucking nasty old warehouse. Why do you think he spends all his time here?'

'It can't be that bad can it?'

'It is. There's no heating. He doesn't even have hot water. Why do you think he showers here each morning?'

'I thought that was because he was running to work and needed to shower when he got here?'

'Convenient that.' Owen looked like he wanted to slap him. 'Jesus Jack, last time I was there he still had a perfectly knotted noose hanging from the rafters. Living there would make anyone want to top themselves.' His voice was deadly serious. 'After the knock we've just given his self esteem you better hope he hasn't.'

'The state he's been in…' Jack stuttered.

'Come on,' Owen grabbed his arm. 'Let's go get him.'

Twtwtwtwt

Jack drove as Owen gave directions. As they got closer they entered a street of industrial warehouses, run down and some sitting derelict. Some of the buildings had signs outside, doors open and activity happening. Most of them didn't. Jack realised that he recognised this place. The Saturday after Ianto had started at Torchwood Jack had spotted his newest and most exciting new employee in the supermarket. He'd decided to see if he could find out where he lived and had followed him, to a machinery shop that was just over there. In retrospect Jack now knew that he hadn't been collecting machined parts for his father's motorbike, but at the time, when he'd caught up with him he'd had no reason not to believe the story.

And then Ianto had distracted him. Against the wall in that alleyway just there.

Then Owen was saying, 'Stop. Pull over here,' and Jack realised with a jolt of sick horror that Ianto's warehouse, the place where he lived, and had obviously used to hold his cyber-conversion unit and its sick contents until he could get them into Torchwood, was on the corner of the alley. The wall, was the wall of the warehouse. He'd been a hair's breadth from discovering Ianto's dreadful secret and he'd had absolutely no idea.

He jumped out following Owen who had already opened a small door set into larger ones and was moving inside.

Jack stood in the doorway and felt his heart sink. It was a huge, empty, dirty space and it was cold. Light came in from high dirty windows and it was dim and dingy. It was light enough however to tell that the space held hardly anything. In front of the doors was Ianto's car. To one side at the back was a small cubicle. The door was open or possibly missing and Jack could see the white porcelain of a toilet in the dark.

To their left was a collection of things. Ianto's things. A metal pipe had been propped between a wall joist and a window frame and used as a clothes hanger. Three suits and some shirts hung from the pipe. Three cardboard boxes held more clothing. A camp table held a camp cooker and collection of pots. It didn't look as though they had been used recently. There was a Harry Potter book on the corner of the table. Next to the table, was a camp bed.

That was it, there was nothing else.

It was unutterably bleak.

It was freezing, colder even than outside. When Jack had thought of Ianto at home recovering he'd imagined somewhere more… well normal. A decent bed, a kitchen. A comfortable sofa in a lounge room where the sun streamed in. Somewhere comfortable. This wasn't it.

The bed contained a man sized lump in a feather down sleeping bag. There was a small puddle of bile on the floor by the head of the bed.

'Jonesy,' Owen said cheerily, crouching beside him. 'How you doing?'

'Fuck off,' a voice growled from inside the bag.

'Sorry mate. Not going to happen. Get used to it and stick your head out please. I need to look at you.'

Jack had never been more impressed by Owen's bedside manner. As he moved closer to them he saw something. The noose. Owen was right, there was a noose hanging from the rafters. He shuddered.

'Ianto, I know you're in there.' Owen started unpeeling the reluctant occupant from his cocoon. A muss of tangled hair appeared before Ianto's frowsy face followed. Jack reared back in shock. He hadn't seen Ianto since he'd regained consciousness and thrown them all out four days ago. Then it had been obvious that he had been bruised but now the bruising was fully out and there would hardly be an inch of skin that wasn't discoloured. He had full black eyes, deep and nasty looking and the right side of his face where his cheekbone was broken was hugely swollen.

He dropped to his knees on the other side of the stretcher. 'Jesus Ianto, I can't believe they let you go home like this.'

'Come on Jack,' Owen said reasonably. 'I'm quite sure Ianto never told them he was going home to be alone in a dump like this. And he isn't,' he said straightening. He picked up his bag, 'I'm buggered if I'm sticking around in this icebox long enough to examine you. Get the SUV Jack. You can drive it right to the bed.'

In the end, unless he moved Ianto's car he couldn't actually drive all the way in. It was easier just to pick Ianto up, sleeping bag and all. With his arms caught in it he couldn't fight. He wriggled, but Jack got the idea that it was token resistance only. Own grabbed the overnight bag that he'd had in the hospital and not unpacked and keyed his com. 'We're at Ianto's,' he told the girls. 'Tosh are we still all right for plan A?'

'Of course,' Tosh told him. 'I'll meet you there in fifteen.'

'Thanks.'

In a scene reminiscent of the awful journey home earlier in the week Jack put Ianto carefully into the back seat and climbed in with him, pulling him into his lap. Ianto jerked and struggled then all the fight went out of him and he sagged against him. 'I might throw up on you,' He growled before burying his head in Jack's shoulder and starting to cry. Jack tightened his grip and patted him awkwardly. 'It's all right.'

'Where are we going?' Jack asked when it became obvious that it wasn't the hub.

'He needs to be somewhere warm and comfortable.' Owen echoed Jack's earlier thoughts. 'Tosh has offered to look after him at hers.'

'No,' Ianto moaned, trying to climb out of Jack's grasp. 'No. She doesn't have to do that.' His voice was raspy and hoarse. 'She shouldn't.' Jack held on tight. 'I nearly got her killed.'

'Is that what you think?' Jack gasped, 'because Ianto that just isn't true. Tosh thinks you're her hero. She hasn't stopped going on about how you sacrificed yourself to let her get away.' He ran a gentle hand over the battered cheeks, wiping the tears. 'And you did it at great cost to yourself.' Ianto's confused gaze was breaking his heart. He pulled him back in against him. 'You're concussed and not thinking straight right now. You're beating yourself up because you got caught in the first place aren't you?'

Ianto gave a small nod.

'And you think you could have done more to help and that you were a coward because you were scared. Is that right?'

Another small nod against Jack's chest.

Jack carefully put his hand on Ianto's head, mindful of how sore he was. He stroked his hair. 'When you feel better we'll talk about things and debrief you properly. Right now you just need to know that you did good.'

The body against him shook.

'You did Ianto.' It was only when a moan escaped the injured man that Jack realised that he wasn't holding himself rigid because he was fighting him. The major thing he was fighting was pain. 'Did the hospital give you anything for pain when you left?' he asked.

'Haven't filled the script. Can't.'

'Shit. And it never occurred to you to ask any of us to do it for you?'

'You made it abundantly clear,' Ianto gasped as Owen cornered sloppily, his attention more on the back seat than on the road, 'that none of you care a damn for me.'

'Oh Ianto,' Jack thought his heart was going to break. 'We will be having this conversation later when you're pain free, rested and rational.' And, Jack didn't add, when he himself could be trusted not to break down when he thought about how his youngest team member must be feeling. He helped Ianto back up into a sitting position as the vehicle slowed. 'We're here now. Tosh will look after you and you'll be comfortable here. We do care a hell of a damn. Come on. Let's get you inside.'

'Hang on Jack,' Owen halted them. 'Pain relief first or he'll never make it.' Again, in a scene reminiscent of coming home earlier in the week, Owen climbed into the back seat. This time though he was easily able to insert a butterfly needle into the back of Ianto's hand. Extricating that hand from the sleeping bag was the hardest bit. A dose of morphine into the line and Ianto slumped bonelessly in Jack's arms.

Tosh greeted them at the door and ushered them into her flat, a space that couldn't be more different from Ianto's dingy warehouse. Jack carried Ianto who had completely lost the ability to move on his own. Tosh led the way straight through to her bedroom and Jack thankfully deposited his bundle on the bed before crashing down beside him with relief. Ianto was heavy and it was two flights of stairs up to Tosh's flat.

He lay there panting as Owen and Toshiko peeled Ianto out of his cocoon to reveal track pants and sweatshirt, probably what he'd left hospital in yesterday. Ianto was obviously in pain in spite of the morphine dose, small whimpers escaping from him although it was obvious he tried to hold them in. All the movement couldn't have been good for him. The clothes came off and he curled into a ball, shivering even though the room was warm. The full extent of his injuries was revealed in all its multi-coloured glory. 'Oh mate,' Owen whispered. 'Jesus, that is spectacular.' He put a careful hand on Ianto's chest as though to test if the colours would wipe off then jumped back. 'Christ, you're absolutely freezing.'

'You want that I should…?' Jack jumped up and started pulling off his coat.

'No Jack,' Owen grinned. 'Tosh's bed. I think by rights the honour should be hers. Come on help me.' He rolled Ianto gently towards him so that they could get him under the covers rather than on top of them.

Tosh yanked her top and jeans off, and before either of them could register anything about her expensive matching underwear, she'd slid into the bed and wrapped herself around her injured friend. 'God he really is freezing,' she told them as she pulled herself in against his back. Ianto himself seemed to be oblivious to it all. His consciousness and awareness seemed to come and go. Owen pulled out his scanner and lifting back the minimum amount of bedding required began to check Ianto out.

'Dehydrated,' he murmured. 'And just badly beaten up. Inflammatory response, lots of soft tissue injuries.' He waved the scanner around Ianto's head and did the conventional pupil response with a torch. 'Mild head injury with concussion, no surprises there.' He pulled out an ear thermometer. 'Not quite hypothermic, but temp low.' He smiled, 'You're doing a good job Tosh. Keep it up.'

Owen straightened up. 'Okay. This is what is going to happen. Ianto, can you hear me?'

There was a low grunt from under the duvet. Tosh turned the bedding back to reveal unfocussed blue eyes.

'Okay,' Owen said, making sure he was in his line of vision. 'Ianto you are on bedrest for at least three days. Toilet privileges only. Ianto open your eyes. Look at me.' Ianto's eyes cracked open again. 'Understand? You will not be getting up until I clear you to do so.'

Ianto started to object but Tosh put her finger over his mouth. 'Got that,' she said. 'He won't be getting up.'

'Good,' Owen exchanged a look with Jack. They knew Ianto didn't stand a chance. Tosh would hold him down.

'Good food to rebuild your strength. Proper food, not pizza. Right now though Tosh, you're going to stay cuddled up to him until he feels warm again and then you can stay there as long as you want. The longer the better. The poor bastard needs to feel looked after.' There was a grumble from under the duvet. It was ignored. 'Your soul mission is the care and maintenance of Ianto Jones for the foreseeable future.'

'Got it,' Tosh said, giving the lump beside her a pat.

'What do I do?' Jack asked.

'You save the world.'

Jack looked sourly at Owen, even as they all distinctly heard the lump giggle slightly. Jack's lips quirked up.

'Seriously,' Owen said. 'Go make everyone a cup of tea. Ianto needs fluids and then he needs to rest. I could murder a cuppa.'

Twtwtwtwtwtw

It was two days before it seemed that the team would trust Jack to take his turn on the looking-after-Ianto roster. While he was glad that they cared enough for their colleague to notice that maybe Jack wasn't the best person to care for him he was a little put out that they didn't trust him to be on his best behaviour and do his share.

He was given the afternoon shift. Tosh obviously took the nights and Jack suspected Gwen and Owen had been joining her in the evenings with Gwen and Owen sharing the day shift. Today however he was taking a turn and pulled up at Tosh's just before one. Owen was waiting for him. 'Look Jack,' he said, coming out and pulling the door shut behind him, 'I know you and Ianto have some sort of history and this has stirred you up about it, but now just isn't the time okay.'

Jack started to protest but Owen stopped him. 'We're not blind Jack. I'm guessing you were starting to have some sort of feelings for him before you found out about the monster in the basement.' He tipped his head to the side and gave a lascivious grin. It was disturbing. 'So you were going through all sorts of betrayal shit and then this happened and now you're feeling guilty about leaving him behind?' Owen's eyebrows seemed to lead the question. Jack hadn't noticed before how mobile his face was. 'Shit we all feel guilty about that.'

Owen's face changed to sympathetic. Jack wondered if he were a robot. 'Now is not the time Jack, okay. Just leave him alone. He probably won't want to talk to you anyway, but if he does, just don't stir him up – at all.' Stern face. 'Got it?'

'I'm not stupid Owen. I know he's concussed.'

'It's more than that Jack. It's his injuries, it's grief, it's his own belief that he doesn't deserve to be helped or cared for. He thinks he's completely failed. It's post traumatic stress Jack and he's starting to make progress. I don't want you stuffing it up.'

'I get it Owen, I do.' Jack was starting to get mad. 'I've seen hurt people before.' In situations worse than you can imagine. 'I do understand.'

They glared at each other for several moments then both of them broke into a grin. 'Go on,' Jack said. 'Bugger off and autopsy something before someone starts mistaking you for a doctor.'

Jack walked quietly into the flat. Ianto was tucked up sound asleep on the sofa. Apparently he and Tosh had managed to convince Owen that sofa rest was essentially the same as bed rest. The sofa was large and wide and comfortable, and made up with sheets and bedding. This was much more like the scenario Jack had envisaged when he'd thought of Ianto recovering at home. The only incongruous thing was the pyjama top Ianto was wearing. His arm was resting curled on top of the covers. He seemed to be wearing Tosh's pyjamas, fluffy cream fleece with pink roses. He looked adorable but not very manly. Obviously warmth won out over manly right now. The shirt looked a little tight. Jack guessed he probably didn't have any pyjamas of his own. From what he'd seen at the warehouse it seemed that the only things he did own were his suits.

God Jack had been stupid. He'd been so wrapped in his own misery and his feelings of betrayal he'd been completely blinded to Ianto's real situation. His desperately awful situation. They were bloody lucky he was still with them. Thank Owen for that by the sounds of it. The thought of that noose was chilling.

Blinking back tears Jack settled into the chair near the head of the makeshift bed. After a moment's hesitation he gave in and leant close enough to stroke his hand across the soft fabric on Ianto's shoulder. His hand strayed to the top of his head and then he kissed his own hand before gently placing his fingers over Ianto's lips. Ianto stirred and mumbled. Jack felt his breath warm on his hand. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'I'm so sorry.'

Sitting back Jack gave himself over to a little self recrimination, before moving on to some honest self assessment and then some planning. 'Okay,' he told the sleeping Ianto. 'First things first. As soon as you're well enough we're finding you somewhere nice to live.'

Now he had a plan he felt a lot better.


End file.
